Breaking up is hard to do. Especially when it involves your boobs and your son, allow me to explain…
As I previously posted I am a pumping Mom, for those of you unfamiliar this means that rather than breastfeeding (which I was unable to do) I chose to pump my breast milk and bottle feed my son. I have been doing so since he was two weeks old which brings me to week 13.
To be blunt, I hate it.
I hate that my daily routine revolves around my boobs and THEIR needs, I hate that I can’t fit into any of my tops because of these massive milk mammaries always in the way, I hate that I wake up soaked in my own milk because my son now sleeps through the night and there is no way in H-E-double hockey sticks I’m getting up to pump when I can enjoy precious, precious sleep that has eluded me for the last 3 months, I hate that I’m not comfortable pumping infront of anyone (aside from my boys at home) and therefore am forced into solitude each time we are out and about and duty calls, I hate that I missed my first born son’s Easter hunt this year because I couldn’t figure out a way to pump (while camping with limited privacy) that I was comfortable with.
For these reasons (and many more that I won’t drag on about) I decided that I am done pumping. Just as my decision to start pumping was met with some level of devastation (due to the finality of breastfeeding) once again I feel rather torn to making this decision as unlike many women who are unable to produce milk I am quite able to, in fact I have a freezer half full of frozen milk to prove it shown below (sorry for the poor picture quality).
Am I being selfish? Or throwing in the towel too soon? I don’t have the answer to those questions, what I do know is that for the sake of my sanity I choose to say enough is enough and keep telling myself that I did (and continue to do) a good job.
Would I have lasted longer if I were able to learn the art of breastfeeding? Perhaps…it’s hard to say though since I never made it very far down that road with either of my boys. Other Mom’s I spoke with regarding this decision complimented me for making it this far, my Husband (always supportive) also told me that he thinks I did a great job doing it as long as I have.
I’m comforted by the fact that I was able to give my son my milk like I had planned regardless if i didn’t reach the 6 month goal I had initially set for myself, I know I did my best and that’s good enough.
So this is goodbye to my Lansinoh Pump, I’m moving on.